


More Beast Than Boy

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Traits, Background Relationships, Control Issues, Cute Garfield Logan, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Loss of Trust, Protective Dick Grayson, Self-Esteem Issues, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Tranquilizers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 15:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17901125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Garfield sits on the roof alone, watching the raging storm roll in and wondering if it would be better for the rest of the team if he just grabbed his stuff and ran away, ensuring that the others were safe and far away from the beast inside him that the Chief obviously knew was a problem all along. If he hadn't known from the start then there would have been no reason for him to have a tranquillizer gun locked and loaded by his side.But Dick, as he does on so many occasions, gives Garfield a reason to stay





	More Beast Than Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, 100th post x

The late-night rain was gently drizzling onto the bare parts of Garfield that weren’t covered by the blanket as he sat on the same roof that Kory was drinking straight from the tequila bottle before, watching the same storm roll in that was currently sprinkling Garfield in gentle splatters. He knew that soon the drizzle will turn to rain and soon to the thick, heavy droplets of a thunderstorm, but he couldn’t bring himself to return into the safety of the motel.

There was something wild roiling within him, something more vicious and violent than the tiger but there was a familiarity to it as well as if it had been there all along, waiting for Garfield to notice it. An old friend playing a very long game of hide and seek.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed it entirely- there were days when the sounds were too loud and smells too intense and each hand running through his hair sent a shiver straight down his spine, almost like he hadn’t entirely transformed out of his tiger. Maybe he hadn’t.

They send him looks when they don’t think he’ll notice, but he always does. He could hear their worried whispers behind walls, could catch the glances they thought he wouldn’t see.

But despite Garfield assuring them that they had nothing to worry about, that he was completely fine, that they were hyper-focusing on issues that didn’t even exist, that if anything was wrong he would let them know, there was still something that Garfield knew was off. He slept lighter and in shorter bursts and if there was anything that startled him his first instinct was to growl until he felt safe again.

Garfield knew, somewhere deep down that he was becoming more animal than human and it scared him more than he was ever willing to admit. Rita would know what to do, what to say to make him feel better. Larry and Cliff would try but it would ultimately have dissolved into a conversation about the meaning of friendship and how proud they were of Garfield for having found some new people to stick with. Chief…

He didn’t want to think about the Chief. Didn’t want to think about the man who he thought was a hero strap a non-consenting girl to a table and attempt to inject her with an untested and possibly dangerous serum and who just so happened to have a tranquillizer gun by his side if Garfield should ever become a hassle? The thought made Garfield shiver and wrap his arms around himself, absently running a finger into the place the dart had struck.

Inside the motel, the rest of his team was busy enjoying themselves, having dinner and relaxing beside a warm fireplace. Garfield should be down with them, spending time with these new people he can come to consider a second family, but instead, he was watching the storm roll in and hoping he doesn’t get sick from the frigid rain that the blanket couldn’t protect him from.

The blanket was Rachel’s instance- she wouldn’t let him go up alone if he didn’t have the blanket. I was probably for the best. He didn’t want to be a burden to the team because he was sick.

Sometimes, Garfield wondered if he was a burden to them regardless. What use to them was a boy who could turn into a tiger but had to be naked to do it? A running joke back home with Cliff and Larry had turned into unfortunate irony in real life. And maybe he was a burden. Chief always said he was and now that Garfield was finally outside the safety of their home, away from Larry and Cliff and Rita, now he knew why Chief had him locked away as he did. Nobody wanted to be around a furry green burden.

Is that why Chief had that dart gun ready? Was it because he knew that eventually Garfield would become an uncooperative burden to his research and knew that at some point he would need to be put down like the animal he was? How many people had Garfield willingly helped him inject serum after serum into and just assumed they would survive? How long did Chief have that gun under his desk, waiting for Garfield to snap and realize how immoral the situation was and prevent Chief from going through with his experiment?

The very thought made Garfield tremble down to his toes. That man was supposed to be his hero. A savour to him and a saviour to many.

Garfield hated to think that maybe the reason Chief told him that he was selfish and disrespectful and all the hurtful things he hated to be called was because he really was. Was that why Chief had that dart gun by his side at all times?   
  
The night was starting to cool down as the storm came closer and the thin blanket across his lap did nothing to protect him from the biting wind. He didn't want to go inside though, not to the joys and warmth of his friends that he didn't deserve. When would they realize it? Maybe they already have and that's why they whispered about him behind his back. Whenever he tastes the bitter taste of blood on his tongue and the feeling of his fangs piercing through the feeble resistance of flesh, he realizes that Chief was right, that he had always been right, straight from the start.   
  
He really was more beast than boy.  
  
There were some days where Garfield felt the impulses of the tiger thrumming through his veins and more often than not he felt like he was supposed to be wearing fur as a second skin. Fangs and claws were beginning to feel more familiar to him than teeth and nails and walking on four limbs with a tail waving between his legs were more comfortable to him than two and it was rare that he slept in any form than the tiger, curled up in a corner.  
  
It was no longer a question of whether he was changing. He had changed and now the big question was how much. Maybe it was better for Garfield to leave, to write a note with a long-winded apology and explanation and disappear in the middle of the night so his friends were safe from the danger he might become. Sure, it would hurt him and sure, they'd be mad but ultimately they would understand why he did it and that he was right.  
  
Nightly Garfield dreamt of the asylum and how easy it was to sink his fangs into the flesh of a helpless human. While Garfield may have been disgusted with himself and the taste in his mouth, the tiger was overjoyed at finally being set loose and willingly given the freedom to kill like he was always supposed to. Garfield could feel how thrilled his tiger was to finally get a taste of bloodied meat that he had been denied so long. The excitement. The pride. The cold, hard brutally in wanting to hunt for his food for the rest of eternity.   
  
The sound of the scientists screams as his back hit the metal bars still rang in his ears every time he closed his eyes.

Maybe it would be better for his friends to be rid of him, to be free of the danger that was hanging over their heads. Unhinged and hungry was not the best combination for a tiger, especially not one surrounded by people like the others. Home probably wasn’t that far and he knew that if he did make it back to the place he had called home for so many years before leaving on the adventure of a lifetime, that Cliff and Rita and Larry would welcome him back with open arms and a warm blanket to drape over his shoulders and a nice steaming cup of hot chocolate. They would act like nothing ever happened and that Garfield was never gone. But Chief… Chief would be figuring out ways to kick Garfield out for good, leave him freezing in the cold with no explanation other than how disrespectful he had been and with nothing but his favourite jacket and the fur under his skin. Garfield knew that now and he hated that he didn’t know it earlier.

He blinked in confusion as the rain that had begun to pelt down heavily on him slowly subsided and when he glanced up, he saw a large black umbrella held over his head, protecting him from the onslaught of rain. Dick climbed up through the hatch in the roof, light spilling out from the room behind him and held the umbrella over the younger man’s head as he made his assent. When he finally climbed all the way up, he sat next to Garfield and sent him the most comforting smile he could muster. “Hey, Gar. What are you doing up here?”

“Just thinking.” Garfield shrugged and Dick placed the umbrella between them so they were both protected from the rain. “You didn’t have to come up here and check on me. I was going to come inside in a minute.”

Dick smiled a knowing smile. “You have the look on your face of someone whose thinking about bolting.” When Garfield looked down, ashamed, Dick laughed lightly and bumped him in the shoulder. “Don’t worry, it happens to all of us. What are you thinking about up here?”

Garfield rubbed his hands over his arms and suddenly realized how cold it really was. “I was uh, thinking about Chief. I’ve sort of realized that I was nothing more to him than an animal for slaughter,” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not so sure that he really cared about me.”

“What makes you say that?” Dick frowned and glanced at Garfield out of the corner of his eye. Garfield was staring out at the quickly encroaching storm, it’s dark clouds broken by flashes of lightning.

“Well, he used a tranquillizer gun on me when I tried to get Rachel off of his operating table.” Dick winced at the carefully hidden lack of emotion in his voice, calculatingly empty and devoid of passion. “So there’s that.”

“Fuck Gar, why didn’t you tell us that?” Dick gaped at him, guilt gnawing away at his soul. Why didn’t he know? Why didn’t he ask? He should have figured it out. “That’s really messed up. Wasn’t he like, your father?”

Garfield hummed in agreement. “He saved me from a cruel and painful death, so yeah. He was a hero to me. All the people he saved… I wanted to be just like him. Travelling the world, saving the lives of people who need to be rescued.” He scoffed bitterly. “I should have known better.”

“Well, we’re heading towards your dream.” Dick tried to reassure him, but Dick was a soldier, a fighter, a man-made weapon, not a counsellor. “We’re helping people. We’re trying to make the lives of others better. Isn’t that something?”

“I just hope that I don’t end up like him,” Garfield ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve learned that he wasn’t a very nice man. Or at least, not when I knew him.”

Dick turned to face his friend fully for the first time since he climbed up to the roof. His head was down and his knees tucked up to his chin, one arm folded over his legs and the other on his head, fingers laced into his bright green hair. His eyes looked haunted and Dick had never seen them quite so clouded. “Is that the only thing thats been bothering you, Gar? I can tell that you’ve got more to say. You know you can tell me anything and I won’t judge you and neither will the others.”

Garfield sighed a slow, heavy breath out from his nose. “I’m sure you guys have noticed. I can sometimes hear you guys talking about me. Sometimes I feel paranoid about things happening and when someone touches me or comes to close when I don’t want them too I find myself growling at them and sometimes I can smell things that I normally wouldn’t and I’m only comfy sleeping like a tiger and-”

“Gar,” Dick interrupted gently, smiling softly at his friend as Garfield winced. “What’s your point?”

“I’m a monster,” Garfield whispered and Dick jumped with a start. “I’m more a tiger than I am a man and I’m so scared that one day I’m going to wake up like the tiger and never be able to change back.” He shivered and his hand tightened in his air. “I’m so afraid that one day I’m going to wake up and you’ll all be dead and your blood will be in my mouth.”

“Oh, Gar,” Dick wasn’t really a touchy-feely person, but he reached an arm out and wrapped it around Garfield’s shoulder, pulling him in close so they could share body heat and comfort on such a cold night. “What makes you think that? How could you possibly?”

“I can’t stop thinking about the scientist in the asylum,” Dick felt Garfield shiver against him. “I killed him. Mauled him like a rabid animal and I didn’t even hesitate. Maybe Cheif knew all along that I would snap. Maybe he was just making sure he was prepared for when I finally turned against him and the others. ”

Dick felt something seize in his chest and his breath froze in his throat. From their position, he could only see the top of Garfield’s head but he could feel the teen shaking against him. “Listen, Gar. That can’t have been true. There must have been a reason for him to have the gun.”

“I thought he was such a good doctor,” Garfield’s voice was low, barely heard over the pounding of the rain on the roof and the umbrella above their heads. “I guess you don’t have to be a good man to be a good doctor.”

Sighing, Dick held Garfield tighter against his shoulder. “I suppose so.”

“Maybe it was a good idea,” Garfield said and Dick looked down at him, confused. “Maybe you guys should carry a tranq gun around with you, just to be safe.”

“Don’t think like that, Gar,” Dick ran his fingers through Garfield’s hair and smiled at how he leaned into the touch like a needy cat. “You’re never going to hurt us.”

“But I _could_ and that’s something I never want to do. It’s not even something I want to think about.” Garfield shivered. “It’s one of the things I have the most nightmares about.”

Dick ran a hand up and down Garfield’s back as he tried his hardest to console him. While he understood his fears, they weren’t exactly irrational. Dick knew that one day they could wake up and the tiger would finally have taken control over their shared bodies and none of the others would have any chance to react before they were mauled to death. And then Garfield, young, innocent Garfield who wanted nothing but the best for his friends, would have to live with the guilt of being the one to end the lives of his second family. The thought was almost too much for Dick to bear.

As the rain pelted down heavily upon them from above, drenching their clothes from where select pieces of fabric were not protected by the large umbrella, they were stuck in silence as Dick tried to wrack his brain for anything he could say that would be comforting or reassuring and Garfield tried to figure out if Dick agreed with him and wanted him to leave. The rain was a comforting drone in the background of their thoughts.

Finally, it was Dick who broke the stillness by pulling away from Garfield’s side and turning to face him, holding his face securely in both of his hands, his thumbs gently caressing the wetness on his cheeks. Dick wasn’t there long enough for him to figure out if it was rain or tears that was making his skin slick. “We believe in you, Gar and we know that you would do everything in your power to make sure nothing happens to us. And if you never want to transform again out of fear that you’ll hurt us then that’s alright, because you’re not here to be a soldier. You’re here to be our fucking friend and none of us would trade you in for the world, alright? Not a single fucking one of us.”

Sniffling, Garfield nodded and rose a hand up to wipe at his nose. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I get it.”

“And maybe the Chief was a horrible man who treated you poorly and thought of you as nothing but an animal that had to be put down,” Dick continued and tried to ignore the way Garfield flinched. Undeterred, he carried on. “But fuck him. Don’t think about _him_ anymore if the very thought of him and what he did causes you pain. Think about the others- of Larry and Cliff and Rita. Think about how they let you leave the safety of their home so you could live the life they cant. Think about how much they want you to be happy. Think about them, remember your favourite moments with them, and keep marching on. Keep going, because you know that’s what they would want for you.”

Garfield smiled up at him and Dick felt the tension release a little bit in his chest to float off somewhere into the unknown. “Thanks, Dick. You really are the best.”

“Well,” Dick laughed, a little breathy and shaky but he tried to ignore it. “If you think so.”

A voice called up from below them and Dick peered down the hole to see Kory staring up at him, hands on her hips and a half-hearted scowl on her face. “Did you find him?”

“Yeah Kory, we’ll be down in a second.” Dick called as he and Garfield detached themselves.

Even from the very bottom of the ladder with her messy hair covering most of her face, Dick could see the tense features on her face relax and her the tension leave her shoulders. “Good,” She nodded relieved. “Because Rachel is making pancakes and she refuses to start eating until Gar joins us at the table, so if you chuckle-fucks could hurry up we can start eating.”

Kory disappeared and Garfield laughed as he slung his legs over the entrance hatch back down into the motel. “Well we better not keep Rachel waiting,” He quipped to Dick as he began to climb down the ladder, hand over hand as he descended the rungs and obviously in a much more chipper mood. “And I don’t want the pancakes to get cold.”

“We wouldn’t want that now, would we?” Dick smiled as he joined him in the warmth of their most temporary home.


End file.
